


just comfort for the lonely hearts

by Zephyroh



Category: Hololive, Hololive En, Virtual Streamer Animated Characters
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, also fisty cuffs are involved now, endgame inamesame and takamori because i like nice things too sometimes, implied inamesame and takamori, no beta: we die like yagoo's dream, the ame and calli tag is not to be taken in the same sense as the ame kiara, this is just me having fun with my little rarepairs while ignoring my wips, yup there's a bit of smut now so tags have been edited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:47:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29094474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephyroh/pseuds/Zephyroh
Summary: “Do you think she will ever love me?”For the second time in a very short span of time, Amelia’s heart broke. Contradictory feelings filled her as she was unsure on how to proceed. She wanted to comfort Kiara, but conversely, she did not want to lie and spew platitude like ‘things will turn out to be fine’ because she knew, more than most, that life - and in this instance, Death - was more complicated than that. She passed a hand through her hair, sliding it down to hold her sore neck. Eventually, she locked gaze with Kiara, and responded in a gentle, soft voice.“Do you want me to say what you want to hear, or what I think?”
Relationships: Takanashi Kiara/Watson Amelia, Watson Amelia&Mori Calliope
Comments: 52
Kudos: 281





	1. just comfort for the lonely hearts

**Author's Note:**

> this is just me, in full clown costume, writing for my silly little rarepairs while my other wips are glaring at me.

“And so what does it mean?”

“It means that the body was already decomposing before it was put in the car…”

“Oh, I see, I see…”, Kiara mumbled, before clasping her hands behind her back, rocking back and forth on her heels, letting her eyes wander around the office in feigned interest. Her fingers grazed gently the spine of the collection of old and recent books on the many shelves, thrown together in no particular order or organisation she could discern. But then again, Amelia Watson’s brain worked in mysterious ways. 

The very same Amelia who, after staring cautiously at Kiara for a second, sighed deeply before returning her gaze to the file spread out in front of her. The pictures of the case were scattered on the wooden desk in an unorganized mess, alongside a dozen printed papers of research, testimonies, and references the detective was desperately trying to tie together in a cohesive narrative. Task that was already difficult in itself, and only made worse by a bored restaurant manager who came barging in despite the late hour, vibrating her usual chaotic energy that exhausted Amelia by just being in the same room as her. She did really appreciate Kiara, but the girl had horrible timing, and very little sense of tact sometimes. 

For a slight moment, for a tiny fraction of time as silence reigned one more in the dim office of Dr. Amelia Watson, private detective, the aforementioned detective held hope that she could advance in her work. And then the silence, and her dreams, broke.

“And now, what’s the next step?”

Amelia clicked her tongue, slamming the paper she had in her hand on the desk, slightly startling Kiara. “Okay, Kiara, what’s going on? I know you did not come here at 11:30pm to hear me talk about the digestion of human organs by bog worms.”

To her credit, Kiara committed to the bit until the end. “What, I can’t visit a friend and ask them about their work? You know many things that are fascinating Amelia, maybe I want to hear about those.’’, she retorted with an offended look. 

Unimpressed, Amelia raised an eyebrow. “So you want me to tell you in detail how they usually start with the more mushy part of the body, namely the eyes, and then-” she started before a shriek interrupted her.

“NOPE! Okay, alright, you win, I did not come here for that.” she whined, clasping dramatically her hands on her ears. Amelia rolled her eyes with a gesture of the hand wordlessly stating _‘told you so’_. 

With an exaggerated sigh, Kiara lied on the leather couch, letting her legs dangle in the air from the armrest. As Amelia abandoned all hope to continue her work that night, she closed her files with a defeated look and opened the bottom drawer of her desk, pulling out a bottle containing an amber liquid. She rose, grabbing two glasses from a 1780s cabinet that was offered to her by a butler of Buckingham palace, and took a seat in the chair facing the desperate looking phenix. As she placed the glass in front of Kiara, she gestured toward the bottle of whiskey in a silent question. 

“You know what? Why not, let’s get crazy tonight.”, she said in a forced energetic tone, but failed to hide her grimace when the liquid filled the glass. With a look of doubt in her eyes, she slowly brought the glass to her nose, which worsened the grimace on her face. That made Amelia chuckle. Kiara was never fond of alcohol, and her reaction to it was always a mix of cute and hilarious. 

“Definitely not crazy, some of us still have work tomorrow.”, Amelia contradicted. She took a sip of her drink, letting out a sight of satisfaction as the alcohol burned her mouth all the way down to her stomach. “So, what’s up with you?”

“Aaaah you know, just life. Employees are being hardasses, business is difficult.’’, she whined. Amelia hummed in acknowledgment, waiting for the real answer to come. As Kiara straightened up to sit correctly, still ogling her drink with suspicion, she was deliberately looking anywhere but in Amelia’s inquisitive eyes. “Like, last time, a client made a scene because her burger was too cooked, even though she send it back to the kitchen the first time for being not cooked enough, and-”

“-and Calli blew you off again.” Amelia interrupted, her patience too thin to let Kiara play games. 

Kiara paused, holding her glass in front of her. “- and Calli blew me off again.”. All traces of previous energy and indignation were gone from her tone, only defeat and a sadness remained, which made Amelia’s heart twinge. Kiara was fire, and passion, and energy, and sadness on her was a look Amelia could not stand. Briefly, a wave of annoyance toward Calliope washed through her. Although, only briefly. 

Finally, Kiara brought the glass to her lips, taking in a way bigger sip than necessary, and predictably proceeded to choke. “Ew, that’s disgusting, how do you drink that?” she exclaimed, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. 

Amelia sniggered. “You shouldn’t drink that much at once, dummy. It’s something that is to be savoured, not chugged like a pint of beer.” 

As if to illustrate her words, she let her own lips touch the edge of the glass, tilting it only slightly, and let the amber liquid roll in her mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. Her skin started to feel warm and fuzzy, and she welcomed the numbing sensation with delight, the exhaustion of the day washing off of her body. For a split second, she thought that if it were the 1850s, a bit of opium would have been a nice addition…

With a non committable grunt, Kiara mimicked her action, sipping only a little bit of her whiskey, analyzing its taste with a dubious expression. Then, as her eyes dropped to the floor, she asked:

“Do you think she will ever love me?”

For the second time in a very short span of time, Amelia’s heart broke. Contradictory feelings filled her as she was unsure on how to proceed. She wanted to comfort Kiara, but conversely, she did not want to lie and spew platitude like _‘things will turn out to be fine’_ because she knew, more than most, that life - and in this instance, Death - was more complicated than that. She passed a hand through her hair, sliding it down to hold her sore neck. Eventually, she locked gaze with Kiara, and responded in a gentle, soft voice. 

“Do you want me to say what you want to hear, or what I think?”

Kiara paused, pondering the options. It was not uncommon that Kiara would seek comfort from her friends, especially with the matters of the heart; and as it’s the case with humans and mythological creatures alike, sometimes you just want to be lied to. However, tonight, Kiara, embolden by the alcohol in her system, and the kindness in the detective’s tone, was seeking cold hard truths.

“Alright, lay it on me good, Amelia Watson”, she exclaimed dramatically, raising her head to the ceiling and extending her arms in a big, sweeping motion, almost spilling her drink in the process. Amelia giggled at the ridiculousness of her friend, letting the very obvious innuendo pass over her like any contemporary reference over Calli’s head. Kiara soon joined her, chuckling at herself. After the laughter died down, and Amelia cleared her throat to speak; the air thickened with an aura of seriousness. 

“Well, I think… I think that the world is complicated and sometimes- sometimes, love is not enough.”, she whispered, failing to hide the weaver in her voice. Kiara’s eyes flashed with a spark of acknowledgment, and nodded her head, somberly. 

“It should be though.” Amelia raised her head to meet Kiara’s purple irises. “Love, it should be enough.” the eternal phenix added, pouting. Amelia gestured toward Kiara with her glass in agreement before taking another sip, and realized that her glass was almost empty. 

Promptly, she refilled it, before turning towards Kiara, who took the last of her drink in one shot - surprisingly managing to mostly suppress her coughs - and extended her glass in a silent request. 

“I know she has her reasons, I’m not stupid.” she let out eventually. “But sometimes… Sometimes I wished she were braver, and that she would choose me over her duties. Is that selfish of me?”. She was now fidgeting with the edge of the glass, rhythmically tapping her nails against it . 

Once again, Amelia swallowed a sip of whiskey before answering, pondering her words carefully. “I mean, in a way, yes, but, that’s normal you know. You should be able to be selfish. You’ve already been through so much, both of you. You deserve some respite.” 

Kiara smiled sadly, letting out a humorless laugh, and blinked away a few tears that were menacing to come out. Amelia tensed at this sight, her instincts screaming at her to do something to comfort her friend. Unfortunately, her mind was coming up blank. She never had the words for those kinds of heartfelt situations. Instead, she asked, candidly. 

“Can I do anything?” The answer came without missing a beat.

“Can I have a hug?”, rang a whiny voice, accompanied with cartoonish puppy dog eyes that made Amelia laugh again despite the situation. Kiara would never fail make her laugh, she thought. 

“Of course, Kiara.” Amelia stood up, dodging the coffee table to join Kiara on the couch, letting down her glass next to Kiara’s. She opened her arms and the other girl did not waste a second before throwing herself around the detective who laughed again at her friend’s antics. Bright orange fluffy hair tickled Amelia’s nose as Kiara buried her face into Amelia’s neck, muffling a sniffle. Slowly and gently, Amelia rubbed her back, as Kiara’s shoulders shook with quiet sobs. 

Minutes passed, strangely comfortably, until Kiara’s quiet sobs subsided and her breathing returned to normal. However, rather than untangling herself from her friend, Kiara adjusted her position so that her back would rest against Amelia’s front, propping her feet on the table blatantly ignoring Amelia’s cry of protest, and nestled her head in the crook between Amelia’s neck and collarbone. 

“I said okay for a hug, not be your personal couch-heater”, the detective protested out of principle, while she wrapped one arm around Kiara’s shoulders. The other arm extended to the glass on the table, soon mimicked by Kiara. 

They sat there, in comfortable silence, enjoying the quiet and the whiskey. Eventually, Kiara spoke out, her face now completely pressed against Amelia’s collarbone. 

“Thank you, for being here for me.” Her voice was a bit slurred, betraying the effect of the alcohol in her system. Her eyes were clouded, and her cheeks flushed in a tint of bright pink that contrasted with the teal lock of hair falling lazily in front of her face. 

“Are you talking to my tits?”, Amelia deadpanned, sarcastic. Kiara paused for a second, processing what she just heard, before bursting into laughter. 

“I mean, they are very nice tits, they deserve gratitude as well.”, she responded, this time outwardly facing Amelia’s chest, which made Amelia laugh even harder. 

“God, you and your obsession with boobs!” She managed between fits of laughter. 

“You can talk, with your penchant for thighs!”, Kiara retorted with an offended tone, jabbing two fingers into Amelia’s side. The latter yelped in surprise, a few drops of whiskey spilling over her shirt as she jumped to try and dodge the attack. 

“What can I say, thighs are exquisite, it’s scientifically proven. It’s true. Yeah.”, she nodded emphatically to make her point, before leaning back on the couch and letting Kiara resume her position. This time, Kiara was the one who refilled their drinks. 

“Look at us, poor heartbroken souls. What a miserable sight we make.”, she lamented as she handed the glass to Amelia. 

“Well…”, Amelia started, letting the word hang in the air before changing her mind. “Nevermind.” She shifted her eyes to avoid Kiara’s gaze. 

“What, no, tell me!”

“Well, it’s just that, in my case, I guess _I_ would be the Calli of the situation…”, Amelia eventually confessed, dropping her eyes to the floor. “Cause, Ina and Gura they… They’d try for me, I think. They’d be brave…”. The last part was barely a whisper, yet the words resonated gravely in the air, and in Amelia’s heart. 

Kiara’s eyes teared up once more, hearing the pain in her friend's voice. With guilt, she reached out to her. As she was still sprawled against the detective and the angle made it hard to give her a hug, she instead brought her hand to the blonde’s cheek, tilting her chin towards her. Begrudgingly, Amelia met her eyes, and got caught off guard by the kindness behind them, void of any judgment. 

“Hey,” Kiara whispered softly, grazing her skin as if she was afraid a harder touch would shatter her. “You’re not the bad guy here.” She added after a moment, her words heavy of meaning. “No one is.”

Amelia smiled weakly, accepting Kiara’s absolution, and closed her eyes, leaning into the comforting touch. 

Kiara marveled at the softness of the skin beneath her finger,the way Amelia’s hair swayed in front of her face, occasionally brushing against the black of her hand, the way the light was caught in her half-lidded eyes who were framed by long, light eyelashes, and eventually, as her eyes drifted toward her friend lips, she was reminded all over again that Amelia Watson was a beautiful woman. 

On instinct, or on impulse, she tilted her head, and captured Amelia’s lips with her own. The detective gasped lightly at the unexpected contact, but did not recoil. Kiara pulled back for just a second, eyes closed, before kissing her again, with a bit more urge. Amelia inhaled deeply whe Kiara teased her mouth with her tongue, before opening her mouth, granting her access. Her brain was still processing what was happening, and she found herself surprised at the fact that it was definitely not unpleasant. She let out a soft moan when Kiara’s tongue met hers, briefly, before Kiara pulled back again, breathing heavily. 

She rested her forehead against Amelia who covered the hand on her cheek with her own. Lacing their fingers together, she spoke gently. “I can’t give you what you need Kiara. I can’t be what you want _her_ to be.”

“I know that.” And Amelia did believe her. “But maybe what I want right now is just something simple, no complication.” She nuzzled her nose just below Amelia’s ear, feeling the shiver pass through the detective body, before planting an open kiss just below her jaw. Amelia’s fingers tensed against hers, and she inhaled deeply as her skin flushed. 

“Kiaraaaa,” Amelia whined, half complaint, half warning. “You’re playing with fire here.” Kiara giggled against her throat, before nibbling on the skin at the junction of her collarbone. The hiss that Amelia let out confirmed Kiara’s long suspicion that the girl did have a proclivity for biting in the bedroom, and stored this information in her bird brain with delight and excitement. 

“Well, it is my element of preference.” she said with a teasing voice. Amelia groaned, not sure if in annoyance or desire, because Kiara’s teeth met her skin again with more insistence. 

Eventually, Kiara moved to face her again, and when their eyes met, no trace of awkwardness or shame could be found. Amelia raised a questioning eyebrow. “So what, no strings attached, just comfort for the lonely hearts?”. 

Though her tone was slightly mockerish, she seeked any indication that Kiara had doubts about this. Rare were the things that were a constant in this world; for Amelia, Kiara’s positive energy and kindness were some of those things, and she’d do anything without hesitation to protect that.

Kiara’s answer came in the form of another kiss, hungrier, more demanding than the last one, and Amelia’s last bit of hesitation dissipated. As Kiara grabbed her tie, pulling her down over herself to make her straddle her hips, Amelia pushed her tongue inside Kiara’s mouth, dragging a whimper out of the girl. With a satisfied smirk, Amelia adjusted their position on the couch, unceremoniously throwing the pillows away, not caring where they landed. The hunger in Kiara’s eyes sent a shiver of desire through her spine. 

As Kiara started unbuttoning her blouse, noticeably leaving the tie on, she teased. “Now, let’s examine those tits closer.”

“Wh- Jesus Christ, Kiara, don’t say it like that!”

Amelia’s protest was drowned in Kiara’s laughter, which was, in return, quickly muffled by a kiss.


	2. a bandaid on a hemmorraghe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s funny how something that once would have been considered totally incongruous can become so natural, Amelia thought as she opened her front door. 
> 
> After the first time sleeping with Kiara, things could have become weird or awkward between them, but it didn’t. They didn’t explicitly talk about it at first, and there was always an excuse that could have been given- it was Kiara’s sadness, it was the alcohol, it was something. But no excuse was required.
> 
> The second time it happened, it felt similarly natural. [...]
> 
> And then it happened again, and again and they fell into a routine of seeking each other’s warmth when the world was being too much; a temporary balm on their heavy heart, a band aid on a hemorrhage. 
> 
> Sometimes, sticking your head in the sand is enough to just survive, if you do it with someone else. 
> 
> Amelia opened her door to let Kiara in; the whiskey was already on the coffee table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i didn't plan a continuation, like at all. and so as you can see, I'm not a clown, but the entire circus at this point

“... and it just pisses me off, you know! Like, you take the time to write something in the review book but you don’t even bother to actually write a constructive criti- aah shit, criticism? Like, what the fuck dude?”

Amelia’s head perked up from between Kiara’s thighs, hair disheveled and chin glistening from the girl’s arousal. With an annoyed look, and her fingers still inside Kiara, Amelia interrupted her unending diatribe:

“Kiara, you know I don't mind when you vent your frustrations, but do you really have to do it while I’m eating you out?”

Kiara whined in response, both from petulance and frustration at Amelia stopping her ministrations. “But I need to get it out of my system before I murder an employee, and you’re super busy these days, so I’m killing two stones with one bird.”, she protested as she shifted her hips, trying to gain more friction from Amelia’s fingers. 

Brow furrowed, the detective paused again, at Kiara’s grand despair. “You mean killing two birds with one stone?”

“What? No? Why would I want to kill birds, I’m a bird!”. Kiara huffed, offended. Amelia sighed deeply, failing to control the urge to not get into Kiara’s nonsensical debates.

“What? It’s just an expression! And why would you even kill stones, that doesn’t even make sense.” . 

“Well it’s better than killing birds!” 

Amelia opened her mouth, before closing it again, letting out a sigh of defeat. Rolling her eyes, and in hope to shut the phoenix up, she returned to her previous occupation. Effectively, Kiara’s words got caught in her throat when she felt Amelia’s tongue on her again, teasing her clitoris as her fingers moved inside her, stretching her inner walls. Her right hand grasped Amelia’s hair, pulling on it roughly as she pushed her hips against the detective’s mouth, and her left hand shot behind her, grabbing the metal bar of the storage shelf she was currently leaning against. 

A corner of one cardboard box was pushing painfully into her back, and the sensation of the cold metal against her exposed skin made her shiver. Still, she could barely pay attention to the uncomfortable situation because Amelia’s tongue deftly swirled against her folds, and her eyes rolled back in their orbits for a split second. Gradually, her brain, previously focused on venting her frustration of the day, clouded with pleasure, and the only words left in her mouth were curses and Amelia’s name she moaned repeatedly. 

“Kiara, I’m not kidding, you really gotta keep it down.”, Amelia whispered forcefully. She usually was rather fond of Kiara’s loud and verbal enthusiasm, but in this particular situation, it was really inconvenient. 

“Well I’m trying, but you’re doing really good. Gods-”, Kiara managed out between two whimpers. Her fist tightened on Amelia’s hair, scrapping the base of the blonde’s skull. “And please keep going, I’m almost there, please.”

Invigorated by Kiara’s compliments and begging, Amelia returned to her task with renewed rigor. Capturing Kiara’s clitoris between her lips, she pumped her slick fingers into the girl’s vagina to the knuckles, occasionally curling her digits to hit the spot that made Kiara’s heels dig into her back, and fingers pulled her hair tighter every time. She felt the phoenix body tensed more and more as Kiara’s struggled to keep her high-pitched moans in check. Sweat covered her brow and her forearm started to cramp up; still she kept increasing the pace. With each forceful, wet thrust, Kiara’s panting accelerated and her thighs trembled, until one final lick on the length of her sex made Kiara clenched around her fingers. Thighs closed around her ears, trapping her in place. As Kiara rode out her orgasm, Amelia kept caressing her gently, until the spams subsided and Kiara released her from between her grasp with a satisfied sigh, eyes half-lidded and a crimson flush on her cheeks. 

Still numb from her climax, she stumbled when her legs slid off of Amelia’s shoulders, and lost her balance. Instinctively, she tried to grasp anything in her reach of her left hand, as the right one was still entangled in the detective’s hair. While what she aimed for was the metal bar supporting the storage shelf, what she did make contact with was a single can of beans, which flew off the rack and landed right on the top of Amelia’s head. 

“Fuc-” Amelia caught her curse and yelp of surprise right on time, muffling her pained groan as Kiara barely managed to catch the can before it crashed to the ground. They stood still for an agonizing half minute in this awkward position, Amelia half kneeling, half wrapped around Kiara who doubled over to reach the can. 

Seconds passed, then a minute, in total silence, before they both released the breath they had been holding, hearts racing widely in their chest.

Amelia stood up, rearranging her tie and shirt and wiping the traces of Kiara’s pleasure off her mouth. She brought a hand to her head, rubbing the sore spot where the can landed on. Kiara’s chest started trembling silently, before she burst in a fit of uncontrollable giggles at the sight of the detective pulling such a miserable face, still holding the guilty can of beans in her hand.

Amelia grunted in annoyance.

“That’s it, we are never doing it in the KFP storage room, ever again.”

* * *

It’s funny how something that once would have been considered totally incongruous can become so natural, Amelia thought as she opened her front door. 

After the first time sleeping with Kiara, things could have become weird or awkward between them, but it didn’t. They didn’t explicitly talk about it at first, and there was always an excuse that could have been given- it was Kiara’s sadness, it was the alcohol, it was something. But no excuse was required.

The second time it happened, it felt similarly natural. Amelia had gotten hurt, somewhere in time; she didn’t provide an explanation - she never did. As Ina was healing her, under Gura’s watchful, worried eyes, hand resting on Amelia’s tensed arm, Kiara could see the storm behind Amelia’s eyes, a mix of guilt, and despair, and rage, and frustration. When the detective showed up at her door later this night, a sorrowful expression on her face and alcohol on her breath, Kiara was not surprised, and offered the comfort Amelia craved. 

And then it happened again, and again and they fell into a routine of seeking each other’s warmth when the world was being too much; a temporary balm on their heavy heart, a band aid on a hemorrhage. 

Sometimes, sticking your head in the sand is enough to just survive, if you do it with someone else. 

Amelia opened her door to let Kiara in; the whiskey was already on the coffee table.

* * *

Amelia’s fingers brushed the light skin, only illuminated by the few rays of sunshine that were starting to peek through the curtain of the room, bathing it in a soft orange hue. The street outside was uncharastically silent, giving to the scene an out-of-time atmosphere, like a moment trapped in a bubble, frozen. 

With a distant gaze, she slid down her fingers from Kiara’s shoulder, tracing the path alongside her spine, stopping at the upper part of her back. Fingertips grazed against barely visible marks there, patches of lighter skin, only slightly bloated, in the shape of two parallel flames mirroring each other at each side of her spinal column extending downward to the middle of her back. When Amelia’s finger made contact at the spot where the light hit the flesh, she saw a shiver pass through Kiara’s body, the tiny hairs on her skin rising up. Absentmindedly, Amelia traced the scars, her mind a million miles away. 

Kiara was awake - well, barely awake. Sleep was still clouding her mind, and all she felt was the smooth silk sheets against her skin, Amelia’s warmth behind her, and the girl's fingers on her back. The combination of Amelia’s touch and the chill morning air on her skin made her shiver. She stirred, yawing as she tensed the muscles of her back and flexed her arms in front of her, like a cat. She released a satisfied moan before settling back against Amelia, whose hand was frozen in the air, a mere inch from her. 

“You can keep going. It feels good.”, Kiara reassured, her morning voice still raspy. And soon enough, Amelia’s touch returned and Kiara almost purred of content.

She could practically hear the gears in the detective’s brain turning and grinding, but she knew the girl enough to not pry, and let her open up on her own. In the meantime, she would enjoy the physical affection. 

A few birds chimed in the distance, and only the slight tick tock of Amelia’s watch, resting on the nightstand - always somewhere in reach - could be heard, in synch with the girl’s breathing. The rhythmic sound, accompanied by Amelia’s light touch almost dulled her back to sleep until Amelia’s voice - only a whisper - broke the comfortable silence. 

“Does it hurt?” Digits pressed harder against the scars. “When you turn into a phoenix, does it hurt?” Amelia’s voice was unusually sheepish. She had never been afraid of asking borderline offensive or tactless questions in the name of science, but this time, her tone was careful, almost weary. Kiara’s heart twinged, wondering what could possibly be going on in the detective’s mind. 

Giving her the privacy she thought Amelia needed, Kiara answered, still facing away from the time-traveler. “I haven’t turned willingly in a while. Safer not to, these days. I just turn back briefly to my original form when I die, but-.” And realisation dawned on her as the words left her mouth. Suddenly, Amelia’s grave tone made sense, and she understood the real meaning behind her question. Her heart twitched, and her instincts screamed to turn and face Amelia. She didn’t. 

“Ame-”

“I’m just wondering what it  _ feels  _ like.” The detective voice felt distant, like she wasn’t really speaking to Kiara. “I know the technicalities. Your diaphragm stops contradicting, preventing the intake of dioxygen in your lungs, your heart stops pumping blood into your organs, so they start to fail one by one, because they lack oxygen. First, the expandable ones, until only the brain is left. And then your neurons stop firing, and you lose your motor function, and your ability to perceive sensory information, and then… Well, then you’re gone, because when your brain stops working, what makes you  _ you  _ is gone too. But… not really? Because there’s your soul, and a Shinigami has to take it, right?” 

Amelia’s voice was void of emotions, completely neutral and even. Kiara kept silent at the rhetorical question, her heart heavy. Amelia’s fingers kept brushing her skin. Two seconds upwards. Tick tock went the clock. Two seconds down. Tick. Tock. A breath. A heartbeat. 

“How do you quantify a soul? How do you measure it? Who decides when it’s time for a soul?”

Finally, Kiara spoke up, her voice trembling with emotion. She had never been like Amelia, never so in control of her feelings. 

“Ame, why are you asking this?”

Unable to bear it any longer, she turned to face the time traveler. She was lying on her side, propped up on one elbow and resting her head on her hand. The light coming from the window was hitting her from the back, providing a glowing halo around her hair, but obscuring her face. Her eyes were clouded and distant; she was lost in her dark thoughts. Kiara reached for her, gently brushing the hair that was falling down in front of her face and tucking it behind her ear. Amelia blinked twice, before bringing her gaze up to Kiara’s eyes, her expression indecipherable. 

“It’s just… something on my mind, I guess. How it all ends. When it will end…”. She closed her eyes as Kiara cupped her cheek. 

“How very ironic.” The word eased out of Kiara’s mouth before she could think. Amelia perked up, curiosity painted on her face. Kiara bit her tongue, internally cursing herself. But a part of her thought that maybe, it was also time for Amelia to hear some cold hard truth. When she spoke again to respond to the detective’s silent questioning, it was with all the kindness she held in her heart for Amelia. 

“You’re too scared to live in the present, so you obsess over the past and the future to cope out.”

Amelia’s breath hitched and her body tensed. She clenched her jaw and Kiara almost withdrew her hand at the sensation. For a split second, she feared that Amelia would snap and tell her off - it wouldn’t be the first time Amelia refused to speak of this topic. As Kiara was bracing herself to see Amelia’s walls rise up again, she was surprised when the girl dropped her head against the pillow with a groan, leaning into Kiara’s body. Without hesitation, Kiara’s arms wrapped around her, holding her with unprecedented caution. 

Amelia mumbled against the crook of her neck. “Sometimes you’re way too perceptive for your own good, Kiara.” 

The phoenix chuckled, passing a hand through soft, blonde hair. She let tips slide against her finger, appreciating their texture before dropping her head to press her lips on top of Amelia’s head. Amelia had such a peculiar scent, like almond milk and sand on a sunny day. She had come to associate this scent with comfort. 

Amelia never cried, Kiara thought. She couldn’t remember a time when she saw the detective actually distressed enough to tear up. Even during sad movie nights they’d do, all five of them, while Kiara and Gura were usually openly sobbing, and Ina and Calli silently dabbing the corner of their eyes, Amelia was always composed, almost unaffected- she’d just let out an exaggerated cry to join everyone else, mocking the shark and the phoenix. 

When Kiara felt Amelia’s shaky breath against her skin, she figured it’d be the closest she'd ever get to seeing Amelia cry. 

“What are you afraid of, Ame?”. 

The detective’s hand fought her hips, bringing her closer. 

With a humourless laugh, she answered. “Everything? Kiara I- I’ve seen so much, in the past and in the future. I’ve done so much, and sometimes it feels like it has no purpose. So I keep on trying and trying but… I don’t know where it ends. I don’t know how it ends. Calli, she’ll always be there, and so will you. Maybe in a different form, maybe in a different life, but you’ll always have a new beginning. Ina-” 

Amelia’s voice trembled at the name. Kiara tightened her hold around her. “Ina, she has the Ancient Ones, she has her own purpose, a higher purpose and her life on this earth is… It’s just a blip. One day, she’ll achieve greatness, and she won’t need us for that. She won’t need me…”

The last part was but a whisper, Kiara almost didn’t catch. A warm tear dropped on her collarbone, sliding down her chest, and her heart broke. She did the only she could at the moment: hold Amelia. 

“And Gura… time for her is not what it is for us. She’s been alive for so long, and god knows how longer she still has left. Me, I can maybe time travel in the future, and catch a glimpse, but her, she’ll experience it all. So many moments, so many years… And me, what am I, compared to that? I’m just a blink of an eye, heartbeat, a single tick of a clock. Time just goes so fast, Kiara. And everything ends so quickly, and all I have is the watch, and just the tiniest bit of power over it. But I know I can’t build a life like that, so I can’t- I can’t subject them to that. I just won’t.”

For the first time since they met, and since they started being intimate, Kiara felt like she was really seing Amelia for the first time, open, vulnerable and bare. Her heart swelled. Holding Amelia’s body and trust in her arms, Kiara pressed her lips on the detective’s temple in a soft, gentle kiss.

“So, are you scared that they’ll forget you? Or that your time together will be nothing to them?” 

Amelia did have a point in that Kiara’s view on life and time were widely different from a mortal human. It didn’t mean she wouldn’t try to understand though, for Amelia. 

“It’s not- not exactly.” Amelia huffed in frustration, struggling with her words. She nestled further into Kiara’s, basking in her tender embrace. “I don’t know how to, I don’t know, ‘be’ I guess. I don’t know how much time I have left, but I feel like I’ll never have enough. And this, my short experiences, my travels, my investigations, it’s all I’ll ever truly have, and- All humans do in life is choose what their remaining time is going to be. And this is what I chose. Trying to fix what I can in time, because I can do, that’s what I’m good at, and also  _ I want to _ .”

As Amelia was giving her explanation, she became more animated, and detached herself from Kiara’s arms. She sat up, leaning her back on the bedhead. Kiara lied back, watching her closely, brow furrowed as she tried to understand the detective’s mindset as she went on:

“But, that life is just fit for me. I wouldn’t be fair to them. And I can’t ask them to continuously wait for me.And if I do let them in, and I have to leave them again and again… I don’t think I could do it. I’m not- I’m not like you Kiara, I don’t have your amazing, endless supply of compassion and empathy and forgiveness. I’m afraid it would break me, more than it would break them. Or, I dunno, maybe I’m just selfish and thinking of myself here. Maybe it’s all I’ll ever be able to do.”

“You’re scared of breaking your own heart; I’d say that’s a pretty rational fear to have.” Kiara responded softly. “But maybe, maybe you could have a bit more trust in them, to handle…” She stumbled on her words, still trying to wrap her mind around Amelia’s explanation. She gestured vaguely towards Amelia. “Well, you, I guess?”

Kiara’s heart dropped in her stomach. Amelia was laying her feelings bare, and she had no idea how to help her. 

The detective met her gaze, finally, and offered her a sad, broken smile. “But what if I’m not brave enough?”

Kiara sighed, almost like a sob. “I don’t understand you, Amelia.”

“I know.” A simple answer, void of resentment, just acknowledgment. 

“I wish I did.” Helpless.

“I know.” Softer, gentler. 

This time, Amelia reached for Kiara, popping her chin on top of the phoenix’s head who wrapped herself around the detective, squeezing her tight as if the prolonged contact would transfer Kiara’s feelings to Amelia directly through her skin. Helpless in providing an answer to an impossible question, Kiara settled for pressing a kiss against Amelia’s neck.

Eventually, she tentatively said, hesitant. “Can I say something? But it might be like,  _ really _ weird considering the whole… Well, the whole everything.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Sometimes, you really remind me of Calli.”

“... Yup, that’s kind of a weird thing to say.” 

Nevertheless, she laughed, understanding the meaning behind Kiara’s words. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> didn't expect to continue writing this when I finished the first one shot, but then it kept bouncing around in my brain and so, why not ride inspiration while it's there.
> 
> sorry if it feel a bit disjointed, it's because it is. i have have bits of ideas, and write them like that haha
> 
> i swear i'll work on my other wips... soo.. ish


	3. cracked marble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “To Kiara’s?”
> 
> “For the food. She makes a great chicken soup, it’s good in this kind of weather.”
> 
> Instant relief flooded Amelia’s body, almost knocking her off her feet. “Ah, right, haha! Yeah, great cook, she sure is, our Kiara.” she weakly managed out. She shot a glance at the Reaper at her side, unmoving, imposing like an ancient monument. Amelia watched her in reverence, laced with a bit of fear - always. 
> 
> Then, the next words impaled her like a spear. “Pretty sure a good whiskey couldn’t hurt too.”
> 
> Amelia paled, her knuckles whitening on the guardrail. 
> 
> Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a simple writer, i hear amelia watson say she wants to be beaten up, then I hear calli say she would fistfight amelia, and I oblige.

The rain was pouring down like the weight of the world on Amelia’s shoulder, and she reveled in the feeling of the water soaking every inch of clothing that stuck to her skin like a blanket on a cold night. The dark, menacing clouds moved slowly in the sky, hanging low and heavy. The wind was howling between old brick buildings, deafening, a constant buzzing interrupted by loud high-pitched wheezing as gusts bursted sporadically. The sounds of horse's hooves hitting the pavement mixed with the rhythmic clicking of wooden wheels on the tiles was drowned in the drops of water slamming against the ground. The air was rancid, smelling of fumes and manure, filth and raw pollution. 

Amelia loved it 

The distant sounds of boats entering the Thames rang across the city, the iodic tinge in the air was assaulting her nose, the crowd below her was constantly flowing the streets like rats in a sewer, the alcohol stained pavement stuck at her shoes - somehow it felt like home. 

She kneeled, perched on the edge of a roof, balanced on a metal guardrail of an abandoned factory in a decrepit state as she pondered that thought. Home. Somehow, she always came back to this idea, rolling it around her mind like a piece of evidence between her fingers, examining every angle, every nooks and crannies of the concept until every inch of it was burned in her mind; and with that the deep, insidious, intrusive thought - always leering in the background - the desire to smashing it on the floor in a million pieces. 

Home. What a stupid concept, home. What a fascinating one, too. Such a small word, so commonly used, so easily thrown around, for an idea so grand, so immensely terrifying. 

Amelia shook her head in a vain attempt to set aside the damp fringe of hair that was falling in front of her eyes, obstructing her vision. She wanted the best view for the spectacle below. Among a crowd of curious people and gossipers spread out in a half circle, facing them were a few police officers, holding a man in cuffs while a bloated looking detective, drenched and miserable, struggled to make a self-important speech over the thrumming sound of the pouring rain. 

Smug, Amelia put her hand in the pocket of her checkered slacks, her fingers grazing the leather bound journal that held the evidence against the man below.  _ Another fine day at work, detective _ , she mentally congratulated herself. 

“You’re gonna catch a cold.”

The voice startled her, and her heart froze as she temporarily lost her balance, jumping off the railguard to avoid a quick fall to her death. As her breathing evened, she recomposed herself, hoping her little fright didn’t show on her face. 

“You can talk, at least I have a trenchcoat. Meanwhile, I doubt your Reaper robes are waterproof.” she retorted with a pointed look. “Say, Calli, when a Shinigami gets cold, do you say that they…  _ catch death _ ?” She shot the other girl an exaggerated wink as she emphasized her bad joke. 

Calli let out a small laugh before answering, matching Amelia’s teasing tone. “You spend too much time with Ina.”

Amelia’s heart twinged. She forced an even smile on her lips as the Reaper joined her side at the edge of the rooftop, shooting a glance beneath them.

“Why didn’t you take credit for this one?”, she asked. 

The policemen were now dragging the culprit into a rusted-blue coach. He did give them a fight, to the pleasure of the crowd who cheered and laughed when a kick of his foot sent the poor detective’s hat flying to the ground, landing in a puddle of mudd. 

“Sometimes, a mysterious rumour, whispered in the hidden corners of bars and opium dens are worth a thousand pictures in a newspaper.” Amelia answered with a dramatic tone, bringing her finger to her lips in a mock shushing motion, and a conspiratory look. This granted her another laugh of the Reaper who lost her controlled expression at Amelia’s antics. 

“You’re ridiculous, Watson.” Was the conclusion she came to. 

“Elementary, my dear Mori-arty, haha!” Calli rolled her eyes, groaning out of principle as Amelia spun around herself to finger gun her. She stared, with a deadpan expression that did not faze the grinning detective. 

“And what are you going here, Calli? Could it be, ah!” She gasped dramatically, bringing her hand to her chest. “Another mysterious murder? Another case for good ol’ Number 1 Detective, Amelia Waaaatson to crack?”. 

A smile tugged at Calli’s lips, which was soon tainted by a more sorrowful expression. “You’re very predictable, Watson.” 

Amelia paused, frowning. She tilted her head with a quizzed look. Calli’s feature hardened, returning to her natural, neutral look, like a marble statue in a museum. Gracefully, she put hand on the rail. 

“Whenever you have a fight with Gura or Ina, a series of previously unsolved cold cases start getting re-open, and the culprits immediately found and put behind bars, all around the years 1800 to 1870s in London and its suburbs. Like clockwork. Every single time.”

Amelia’s joyful spark died in her eyes like fire under the rain. Tensed, she turned away from Calli, facing the city once more. The silence weighed heavy between them, thick and toxic like dark industrial fumes.

Eventually: “Why this time period, and why here? I’ve never been able to figure that out.”

“I’m not sure.”

“Are you lying?” 

“... I’m not sure.”

The sound of her voice was soon drowned by a gust of wind, sending her wet hair flying into her face. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Calli’s profile, her pink hair flowing graciously behind her, regal. 

“Did-” Amelia’s words died in her throat. Frustrated, she gripped the guardrail and took a deep breath as her heart raced in her ribcage. “Did  _ they  _ send you?”. As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted it. No matter the answer, it would hurt her. As Calli opened her mouth to answer, she braced for impact. 

“No.”

Amelia closed her eyes, taking in the answer like a punch in the gut. A bitter laugh left her lungs. “So what, you came sure to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid?”. Her tone caustic, verging on accusatory. 

Unfazed, Calli shot back. “Maybe I did.” Amelia clenched her teeth. “Wouldn't be the first time.” The blonde closed her eyes, nodding. She deserved that one. 

Flashes of Calli’s dragging her out of a dim lighted basement, clouded with opium fumes flooded her memories. The stench of the back alley where she spewed her bile. Her smoked filled lungs, retching the filth out of her system. And Calli’s eyes, impassive and unnerving. Guilt washed through her body, her skin aflame as she averted her eyes, unable to face her friend, despite the knowledge that she wouldn’t find any traces of judgment in Calli’s face. 

“Well, no need to worry about me, I’m cool as a cucumber.” She reassured, her tone dry and tensed. “I’m just enjoying the show, and I’ll come back, take a good shower, grab some food, and just have a nice relaxing evening. Yeah. “ Even to her ears, her words sounded fake. She cringed internally, cursing at herself. 

“You should go to Kiara’s then.”

Amelia’s blood froze in her vein, and she stopped breathing. Her skin prickled, like her bones were trying to crawl out of her. As her heart jumped in her throat, she stayed completely still, staring in the distance. After a moment, when she was sure her voice wouldn’t betray her, she asked as innocently and composed as she could:

“To Kiara’s?”

“For the food. She makes a great chicken soup, it’s good in this kind of weather.”

Instant relief flooded Amelia’s body, almost knocking her off her feet. “Ah, right, haha! Yeah, great cook, she sure is, our Kiara.” she weakly managed out. She shot a glance at the Reaper at her side, unmoving, imposing like an ancient monument. Amelia watched her in reverence, laced with a bit of fear - always. 

Then, the next words impaled her like a spear. “Pretty sure a good whiskey couldn’t hurt too.”

Amelia paled, her knuckles whitening on the guardrail. 

_ Shit.  _

Swallowing hard, dropping all pretense, the detective waited for the storm to rage. She forced herself to look straight in front of her, refusing to give into her cowardice and close her eyes. The least she could do was face the consequences. 

A moment passed.

Then another. 

Amelia turned her head to look at Calli, and was only met with imperturbable marble. With difficulty, she cleared her throat, and took the initiative.

“I feel like- Like I should apologize.”, she confessed. She grimaced, as if saying the words were hurting her mouth. 

The answer came immediately, emotionless. “You don’t have to. You owe me nothing.”

Something lit up in Amelia, something deep within her soul, roaring and wild. She squinted at Calli, who was still not facing her. 

“I kinda want to.” Another confession, honest. Hurting. 

“Okay.”

Amelia smacked her lips, letting out a humorless laugh. Lightning crackled in the distance, followed by a booming thunder. The wind howled, like the wolf in Amelia’s chest. Clenching her fist, she turned her body completely to face Calli. 

“So what, is that why you’re here? To shame me?”

“No. You’re both grown women, you can do whatever you wish to do.” Still, with that  _ fucking  _ even voice, void of emotions. “I’m kinda glad, actually. That she has you.”

Amelia snapped, unable to contain herself any longer. “Bullshit.” That finally made Calli spare a glance at her. She merely shrugged, as Amelia’s rage grew. 

“I  _ do  _ care about her. And if you can be here for her, then I’m good with that.” 

Amelia glared at her, seeking any trace of feelings into the Reaper's eyes. She had to give it to her, Calli was good. Maybe even better than herself. Maybe Calli even believed it herself. 

“You’re a fucking liar, Mori.” Amelia spewed, venomous. 

Calli laughed - this fake, infuriating, condescending laugh. “And you’re a fucking hypocrite, Watson.” Her light tone contrasted with the spite in her tone. The words slapped Amelia’s harder than the rain. The worst was, they resonated true. 

“Aaaah so that’s the reason you’re here. An eye for an eye, is that it? You lost just a tiny fraction of Kiara’s attention, so you came running here to make me pay? To taunt Ina and Gura in front of me, like a treat to a begging dog. Do you want me to dance, and give the paw, Mori?”

Amelia’s voice was rising over the rain and thunder, until she was screaming out of her lungs. Calli turned to face her, crossing her arms, leaning nonchalantly against the rail, raising a mocking eyebrow like a parent in front of a child throwing a tantrum. It infuriated Amelia even further. She wanted to scream at her, grab her by the shoulder and shake her until she could drag a raw emotion of the cold dead Reaper. She wanted to shatter that fucking marble.

“Stop ridiculing yourself, Watson. We’re all adults here, you can fuck Kiara if you want to.”

Amelia dropped her head, nails digging into the skin of her palms until pearls of red trickled. Her shoulder shook slightly and Calli shifted uncomfortably on her weight for a second. Then, her marble expression cracked when she realized that Amelia was…  _ laughing _ .

“Oh right, you’re fine with it, then? Or maybe you came out of morbid curiosity, because you want to know what I do to her? Is that what you wanna hear, Mori? That she likes it when I put my fingers in her mouth while I’m taking her? That sometimes parts of her hair starts to set aflame when she comes? That she likes to scratch my back so hard that it’s still visible after a couple of days? Or maybe you want to know how she swears in german when she’s aroused, or that sometimes, she calls me by  _ your  _ name when-”

When Calli’s fist made contact with Amelia’s jaw, it came as a relief for both of them. The detective’s pained groan was covered by the thrumming sounds of the unending rain; Amelia stumbled back a couple of steps, looking at Calli through the curtain of her hair falling in front of her face. The metallic taste of blood filled her mouth as a trail of blood ran down the corner of her lip, instantaneously washed away by the pouring water. 

At the sight of Calli’s face, brow furrowed in a growing rage, jaw locked, and chest heaving, and eyes wide, Amelia revelled.  _ Finally, some fucking emotions. _

Adrenaline pumping through her system, clouding her brain from good judgment, Amelia pushed harder. “What, Calli? I thought you didn’t care!” she snarked. 

The reaper moved again, and Amelia welcomed the second punch. Something cracked in her nose, and she laughed. 

“What’s your fucking problem Watson?” Gone was Calli’s controlled voice. Trembling from ire, she was shouting at the detective. 

“My fucking problem is that I have to pick up the pieces of Kiara that you leave, and it’s killing me.”, she screamed back. When Calli came for her, grabbing the collar of her coat to bring her face coser, she did not move. 

“And who do you think picks up Gura, or Ina, when you decide to just  _ leave  _ god knows when, for weeks, with no fucking notes or warning. You don’t get to be on your high horse with me, you and I are the sam-”. 

Amelia's head crashed into Calli’s face with a violent impact, and the surprise more than the pain made her release the detective’s coat. Without letting Calli the time to gather herself, Amelia launched herself at her, tackling her to the ground. 

“We are not the fucking same, Calli! Because I  _ feel  _ it, alright. Every goddamn day of my goddamn life, I feel the guilt, the rage, the shame, the pain of it all, and if I leave, it’s to spare them from that. At least I don’t stay by their side, cold and indifferent like a fucking corpse.”

Another fist smashed into the side of Amelia’s face, making her lose her balance. As she coughed, her side hitting the cold, wet stone, Calli was on top of her in a split second, pinning her to the ground. She threw another punch, hitting Amelia’s cheek with a wet ‘thud’. The detective’s face flew to the side, her head bouncing on the ground. 

“You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to tell me how I feel. You know nothing, Watson, you’ve seen nothing. I have millennias behind me, of things you can’t even fathom, things that you can’t even dream of. You don’t understand what I am, nor what Kiara is to me.”

When Calli’s fist flew to her face once again, this time Amelia caught it; grabbing the Reaper’s wirst, wrestling it to the side. “Then fucking tell her what you want from her, once and for all!”

“Oh no, you don’t get to be the knight in shining armor here. Not when you keep hurting Ina and Gura over and over again, because you can’t face them and you decide to run! You’re a motherfucking coward, Watson!”, she spat out.

Amelia struggled beneath her, launching a fist toward the Reaper’s head who easily dodged it. 

“Is that all you got, wonder detective? Fucking fight for yourself for once!”. She grabbed the lapels of Amelia’s coat, shaking the blonde’s body. “Are you just gonna lie there and let me beat you into a pulp?”

“Well maybe that’s all I deserve!” 

As Calli was pulling back for another punch, she froze entirely. Amelia was panting, blood pooling at her mouth, eyes cast to the side, avoiding eye-contact and that’s when Calli noticed the tears sliding down her face, mixed with the falling rain. She dropped her fist, releasing her grasp on Amelia, and realization dawned on her. 

Amelia was never seeking absolution, or forgiveness. She was seeking punishment. 

“Goddamnit, Watson…”

Like a rag doll, Amelia didn’t move from the ground as Calli got off her. Guilt tugged at Calli’s stomach as she witnessed the mess she had made of her friend. Ashamed, she dropped down next to the detective, bringing her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. 

A crack of thunder rang in the distance. Minutes passed, only punctuated by their heavy breathing.

“You’re allowed to be happy, Amelia.”

A sigh of exhaustion escaped the detective’s chest. “Jesus fuck, Calli, don’t-”. 

“Shut up, and for once in your goddamn life, listen to someone other than yourself.”, Calli snapped with impatience. She waited for a confirmation that Amelia would comply, which came in the form of a half-hearted mumble. She reiterated with insistence. “You’re allowed to be happy, Amelia. I know your life, and I know what you’ve done, and I don’t fucking care, because I love you, and I want you to be happy. So sort your shit out, and come back to us, because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re our heart, dumbass.”

That made Amelia tick. She shifted, slowly sitting up, and rested her elbow on her knee, putting her forehead to her hand. She let out a sarcastic laugh, or more of a huff as it was all she could manage. Calli clicked her tongue, cutting off the protest that was about to come. 

“I don’t know if you remember, but you’re the one that brought us together. You, and your stupid investigation, and your stupid notes and files, and your stupid interrogation night where we spend hours just talking and laughing, or your stupid ideas to studies us that took who knows how many days and nights... You’re the reason we’re all together today. Sure, I knew Kusotori before, but it wasn’t the same. Because before you, before  _ all  _ of you, I never let myself… feel.”

Calli’s voice was vibrating, which resonated in Amelia’s chest. Tears stinged the detective’s eyes, and she didn’t bother to push them back. She started at the Reaper in awe, admiring the flurry of emotions that Calli had so well hidden inside of her. For once in her life, Amelia was happy to have been so wrong about someone. 

“But now,” Calli let out a hollow chuckle. “Now, when you come back bloodied on our doorstep with a big fucking stupid,  _ careless  _ grin, I want to smack you in the face because not only did you get everyone else worried, I also keep imagining the day I get your name on my list, and it kills me. Now, when Ina’s summoning sessions lasts just a bit longer than unusual and she arrives late, with a distant look in her eyes, and I can’t help but wondering if one day, she’ll stop coming altogether, and my chest hurts. Now, when Gura hides traces of her tears after you’ve been a  _ fucking  _ idiot again, I also want to smack you in the face because the world isn’t right when Gura doesn’t smile, and I can’t do shit about it. Because now, when Kiara dies…”

Calli couldn’t finish her sentence, but she didn’t have to. Amelia knew. 

“You’re scared of your feelings.” 

“Fucking terrified.”

Suddenly Calli made sense to Amelia, like she was connecting clues in an investigation, revealing the picture. Like a cartoon lightbulb above her head. Andthen, she realized why she had been so furious at the Reaper. 

“Oh God Kiara was right, we  _ are  _ the same…”. Amelia buried her face in her hands, as uncontrollable giggles shook her body. 

“You know the world is upside down when you start a sentence with ‘Kiara was right.’” Calli added, joining her in her laughter, both basking in the absurdity of it all. 

It was only when a ray of light, piercing through grey clouds, hitting Amelia’s face that they both realized the rain had stopped. They looked up at the sky.

“So what now? We just… sort our shit out, battle our fears, and- and what, be happy?”, Amelia pondered, half sarcastic, half genuine. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Sounds fake.”

“Maybe it’s easier than we think.”

“Like your mom last night.”

“Goddmanit Watson…” Calli groaned, shooting a fist at Amelia’s shoulder who threw her head back in laughter. “Maybe you can start by that, heh? Stop hiding behind stupid mom jokes to hide your feelings.”

“Geez, Reaper, rapper, and now therapist? You are a busy woman, Mori.” As Calli shot her a death glare, raising another fist as a warning. Amelia threw her hand up in mock defense, feigning innocence.

She paused, and threw her friend a desperate, vulnerable look. “To be honest, I’m not even sure where to begin.”

Calli nodded in acknowledgment, and bumped the detective’s shoulder with hers as a small token of comfort. “Well, at least there’s one good news.” she announced. Amelia looked at her, confused. “You’re a goodman time-traveller, so you  _ literally  _ have all the time in the world to figure it out.”

Calli snickered when Amelia whined like a child, rolling her eyes dramatically. 

“So, what about you, Mori. If I’m jumping in the water, I’m dragging you with me. No way I’m drowning on my own here.”

“Well, I guess… I’ll have to stop being scared of getting burned.”

“...”

“...”

“Wow, that was terrible! And you call yourself a lyricist?”

“Shut the fuck up or I will deadass punch you again.”

A moment of silence passed, before Amelia asked, sheepishly. 

“So hum… About the whole, hum- We’re good, right?”

Calli raised an eyebrow, cold-faced, assessing the girl in front of her. She enjoyed letting her marinate for a few seconds, before the detective reminded her too much of a sad, lost dog to continue the charade. 

“Yeah, of course we’re good Watson. If I’m not around, who's gonna be here to smack some sense into you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here it is, i have finally faed my fears, and tried writing for amemori, at least in my own little context that is this fic. it honestly didn't start as a mutli-chapter thing, but apparently fics grow into their own thing sometimes. but i had tons of fun writing it, so here goes!
> 
> i've mentionned before that i have the less grasp of calli while writing fics, so I apoligize if she feels ooc here, i definitely took some artistic liberties!


	4. home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ina looked up from her book, and noted, gentle and ruthless. “We weren't expecting you so soon.”
> 
> Amelia dropped head, nodding in acknowledgment as she took in the punches. Guilt crept up in her stomach. Usually, she’d avoid them for a week or so, waiting to cool off before coming back, acting as if nothing had happened. This time, she wouldn’t run. It was time to accept the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just think they deserve a soft epilogue, as a treat.

Amelia was all racing heart and nervous ticks. 

The dirt under her foot was cleared out as her leg kept bouncing up and down, and her fingers were fidgeting relentlessly around her pocket watch, moving and clicking the various contraptions without real purpose. The world around her became an endless loop, punctuated by the sound of her heartbeats. One, two, three clicks of the watch. One, two, three stumps of the foot. The clicking of the park’s automatic sprinkler. The laughs of nearby children playing tag. The bark of a dog. The jogger, hitting his mark, checking his time and going on another lap. A page of Ina’s book turned. Gura’s foot, tapping the air in synchronisation to her mashing buttons on her switch.

_This next time, I’ll walk up to them_ , Amelia lied to herself. And round another cycle went, and Amelia kept still. 

“You should get a hat and a newspaper journal, you’d look less stalkerish than you look now.”. 

The voice pulled Amelia out of her torpor, as its owner took a seat beside her on the bench. Amelia assessed the intruder, looking her up and down. She frowned; something about her was.. Not ‘off’, but different. It was nagging the detective who took the opportunity to divert the discussion. 

“There’s something about you, I can’t put my finger on it”, she said pensively, eyeing the phoenix. 

Contrary to Amelia’s expectations, Kiara did not go off on a diatribe about her greatness, or how she had a minor change to her hair and finally someone had noticed. Instead, she smiled calmly, and for Kiara, it was almost ominous. Amelia openly stared at her friend, trying to figure out exactly what it was about her that was different, that bugged the detective. Except for the noticeable absence of the dual hats, Kiara was pretty much Kiara, wearing a simple cardigan and jeans, appropriate for the light weather of the day. The only thing Amelia could single out was the darker color palette that contrasted with Kiara’s usual style, caused by her wearing a… _Oh._

When it finally hit Amelia, an equally delighted and mockerish grin tugged at her lips. Kiara was wearing Calli’s shirt. Calli’s _favourite_ shirt.

Amelia bumped shoulders with the phoenix affectionately, throwing her a wink. “You’re allowed to gloat you know.”

“Oh I will, trust me I will.” Kiara stated, dead serious despite her joyful attitude. “But, right now a dear friend of mine is being a dumbass, so my unending happiness and celebration of life and love can be postponed. Temporarily. For like a couple of hours.” 

She gave a pointed look to Amelia who lowered her head sheepishly. Her legs began bouncing again to the rhythm of the watch ticking. Immediately, Kiara’s hand was in her hair, lightly scratching the back of her neck in a soothing motion. Instinctively, the detective leaned into the familiar, comforting touch, letting out a sigh of relief. As her body relaxed, she let herself sink into Kiara’s body, leaning her head against the phoenix’s shoulder, and everything was suddenly just a little bit better. 

“Is this still allowed or will I have to worry about dodging a scythe aiming for my head?”, Amelia asked sarcastically. 

Kiara squeezed her shoulder and turned her head to press a kiss on the detective’s forehead. “Don’t be silly. We are still friends, and good friends touch each sometimes.”, Kiara answered in a matter-of-factly tone as Amelia giggled at the phrasing. Still, a wave of relief washed through her, and she nuzzled Kiara’s neck. 

“Can you tell me what to do, Ô brave Eternal Phoenix. I could use your fearlessness just about now ” 

Amelia turned her gaze to the two figures in the distance, haunting her thoughts and heart. Sitting peacefully under the shade of a tree, Ina was absorbed in a book - not The book - almost still as a statue if not for the occasional turning of pages. Lying in front of her, on a stereotypical red and white checkered plaid, Gura was playing a game - a rhythm game judging from the speed of her fingers on the console, her feet repeatedly tapping the air in synch with her tail swinging from left to right. As much as Amelia had pictured getting up and joining them, her body felt like lead, pinning her in her place. 

“You know what to do, Number One Detective. You’ve always known, you’re just too scared to stop running.” Kiara answered lightly, like it was the most simple thing in the world. “Besides, I’m not fearless. I’m scared a lot, like, all the time. I just try not to think about it.”

Amelia laughed humorlessly. “Yup, not think about it. That’s the thing, I’m really not great at: not overthinking everything.” 

Kiara hummed, knowingly. They stayed in this position for a while; Amelia lost track of time, the park’s cycle, and merely appreciated the present moment. Eventually, Kiara’s voice rang, laced with caution. 

“Have you maybe thought of… you know, practising?”. The phoenix shifted awkwardly on the bench, as if ashamed to have even asked the question. 

Amelia winced. “Ah, yeah, I have thought about it. Many times.” More precisely, she had thought about for the past two weeks succeeding her altercation with Calli on a London rooftop, although for them, it had merely been a day. The heavy bag under her eyes would have betrayed that fact if not for the pair of sunglasses propped on the detective’s nose, effectively shielding her from the sun and Kiara’s inquisitive eyes. 

Letting out a groan of frustration, the detective continued. “Buuuut a certain Reaper who’s currently missing her favourite shirt made me promise to not use the watch. And, if I can break promises I make to myself with no problems, I wouldn’t do that with Calli.”

“Yup, she’s good at making you want not to disappoint her.”, agreed Kiara, knowingly. 

“She’s such a dad sometimes, ugh…”

“Well,”. As soon as Kiara started her sentence, her tone sent warning signs to Amelia’s brain. “I do call her da-”

“Nope, I forbid you to make that joke. Don’t you even dare, I do not need that image, information, or even the loose implication of it in my brain!” Amelia exclaimed, interrupting Kiara who was already throwing her a conspiratory grin. 

“Oh, you’re awfully prude for someone who likes to be called ‘Detective’ in bed!”, she countered in a teasing tone. 

Amelia groaned, burying her flushed face in her hands, mumbling a quick ‘ _Shut up_ ’ as Kiara burst into her maniac laugh, proud of herself. Embarrassing the detective had become one of her favourite pass-time. Reduced to an embarrassed, blushing mess, said Detective passed her hands through her air, taking in a deep breath in an attempt to regain her composure. Her eyes darted again to the duo in the distance, and her stomach twitched and fluttered at the same time, like she was on a rollercoaster. 

“God I hate this.”, she whispered to no one in particular. 

“What? The possibility of being happy with the girls you’re in love with?”, Kiara shot back, sarcastic but understanding. 

“Facing the consequences of my actions.” Amelia explicited with a grimace. Her tone was heavy, as was her heart. 

Eventually, she stood up, stirring and stretching like she was about to exercise. Inhaling deeply, she shook her head like a dog shaking out water of its fur. She turned to face Kiara, then leaned over the bench to press her lips against the phoenix’s forehead while her hands clasped around Kiara’s fingers. 

“Thank you, Kiara.” And Amelia did not have to say more, Kiara understood. 

As the detective spun around her heels, Kiara’s eyes dropped to her hands, as they rested upon a beautifully intricate golden pocket watch. Kiara looked back up, smiling proudly. 

“You say that like you’re gonna die.”

“Well, one can never know. Better warn your girlfriend to stand by, just in case!”. 

As Amelia walked away, she laughed at the sound of Kiara’s shrill squeal of excitement at the word ‘girlfriend’. 

* * *

“99%? Are you KIDDING me! I swear, this game is nerfing me!”. In a fit of rage, Gura threw the switch which landed miserably on the pick-nick basket at her side. Unperturbed, Ina kept reading. 

Amelia shoved her hands in her pocket, letting a shameless, loving smile grow on her lips. As Gura felt a shadow blocking the sun, she flipped on her back and her eyes lit up at the sight of Amelia standing above her. 

“Hey Watsoooon!”, she greeted the detective instinctively with a toothy grin. Then her smile faltered, and Amelia could see the flash of remembrance passing through the shark’s brain as she was probably reminiscing about their last, heated interaction. Gura stiffened ever so slightly, but enough to break Amelia’s heart. _She really fucked up._

Ina looked up from her book, and noted, gentle and ruthless. “We weren't expecting you so soon.”

Amelia dropped head, nodding in acknowledgment as she took in the punches. Guilt crept up her stomach. Usually, she’d avoid them for a week or so, waiting to cool off before coming back, acting as if nothing had happened. This time, she wouldn’t run. It was time to accept the consequences. 

As she put her sunglasses on top of her messy hair, she cleared her throat, scratching nervously the back of her neck. She dropped to the ground next to Ina, shooting her a bashful glance. The girl shifted her body to face her, in silent consent. Gura soon joined them, crossing her legs and looking at Amelia expectantly. 

“Well, I did wander in time for a bit, to… think, and clear my head my guess.” She sighed as the words were struggling to get out. 

Her heart was racing. She passed a hand on her face, immediately regretting it when the pain of the bruises on her nose and temple flared up. Unable to stop it, she let out a pained whine. The shitty thing about time travel is that, as your metabolism slowed to adapt to the time distortion, your body’s capacity for healing slowed down too. 

Immediately, two pairs of worried eyes were on her. As Gura’s fingers grazed her black eye, she flinched, her cowardly instincts screaming at her to recoil, to run away and avoid their concerned gaze. Instead, she leaned into the shark’s touch who blinked in surprise. 

“So, who do I have to beat up, bozo?” Gura asked, half joking. 

Ina’s hand brushed her skin, sending shivers through Amelia’s arm, making her heart flutter as she learned to accept their touch, guilt free. She felt the spark of eldritch magic make its way up her upper body until it reached the bruised skin on her face, making the flesh tingle lightly. 

As Ina moved to pull her hand back, Amelia reached out, gently holding her gloved fingers in hers. After just a split second of hesitation, the priestess squeezed her hand in return, looking at Amelia intensely, her expression unreadable. 

“Haha, it’s fine! Looks worse than it feels. I’m pretty sure Calli pulled her punches.” Amelia cursed herself as soon as the words left her mouth. Both Ina and Gura frowned in confusion, tensing. 

“But it’s fine, don’t worry, it’s all good. I was kinda asking for it. Everything is cool.” she stuttered miserably. Biting her tongue, she swore under her breath. So much for smooth, intelligent and charismatic detective. 

“What’s going on with you Watson? yYou’re acting weird.” Gura spoke softly, her tone laced with worry. With her thumb, she brushed Amelia’s cheek, tilting her face to look into the detective’s eye. As their gaze met, Amelia’s heart felt like it was exploding in her chest and her inhibitions fell, one by one. She dropped everything, her worries, her walls, that damn voice in her head that was telling her she was better off alone.

With a smile of relief, and the weight upon her heart fading as her decision consolidated in her brain, she shifted her face to drop a kiss in the palm of the shark’s hand. She witnessed the slow, crimson flush creep up the Gura’s neck with delight. It was a myriad of new emotions she had always refused to acknowledge in her, but now it was like she was seeing the girl for the first time again, in a whole new light. 

“I just-”. To her own surprise, her raspy voice wavered, her throat tightening at the overload of emotions. “I just missed you, that’s all.”

Embarrassed by her own vulnerability, Amelia forced a laugh, shaking off the tears stinging her eyes. “God, I’ve been such an idiot… I’m so sorry.”

Gura fingers strengthen their hold over the detective’s face, comforting. 

“What are you sorry about, exactly?.” Ina’s voice was soft as ever, void of an accusatory edge, nevertheless her eyes were fixed upon Amelia’s, demanding and imposing. 

“Well, just- you know… about. Ah, goddamnit. Are you really gonna make me say it out loud?”, Amelia whined as pink tinted her face. 

Ina smiled, amused and tender. “Yes.” Came the answer, implacable. 

Amelia grumbled, averting her eyes. Gura’s giggle deepened the red on her face, and made her heart jump in her chest. 

“C’mon, you know I suck with words and like… expressing myself.”, she weakly protested, shooting a pitiful glance at the priestess. 

A spark lit up in her purple pupils. As her grin widened, the voice took on teasing intonations. 

“Maybe I like to see you squirm.”

Amelia almost choked on her saliva and a bolt of desire shot through her core. She shifted uncomfortably on herself, darting her eyes to look at Gura who was watching her with amused, _wanting_ eyes. 

Amelia let out a weak whimper, praying for a hole on the ground to open and swallow her whole. 

From afar, sitting peacefully on a bench, watching the three figures huddled up at the foot of the tree, Death and the Eternal Phoenix embraced each other, smiling. 

* * *

“Don’t touch that, that’s mine!”

“Hey, you could share, I gave you pancakes!”

“You gave me half a pancake, and it didn’t even have maple syrup on it.”

“Calli, could you pass the butter please?”

“Who threw omelet at me, I’m sure it was you, Gura!”

“What, no, it was Kiara, look at her guilty face. That’s the face of a psychopathic omelet launcher!”

Undiscriminated pieces of food and bread, flew across the table, accompanied by offended and amused clamors. 

The five of them had gathered for a monthly Sunday brunch on a terrasse, under the watchful and irritated eyes of the owner who sighed at the sight of the group fighting over the table, loudly heckling one another. 

It had become a habit, a tradition, a promise that, no matter what happened or how busy their lives, they would always take time for each other. 

Kiara was leaning on Calli’s shoulder, half draped over the Reaper who had weakly protested for the form of it, and was shamelessly eating everything on Calli’s plate, neglecting her own, despite having the exact same food on it. Ina sat beside them on a chair, having refused to go on the bench to avoid Amelia and Gura relentlessly fighting each other at any occasion, and sipped on her tea while watching her lovers bicker with amused, tender eyes. 

Amelia was currently hanging over Gura, the shark almost lying on the bench with her arm extended backwards, holding a fork and a single piece of red fruit pie that Amelia was reaching for. 

“C’mon, I didn’t get to taste it yet!” Amelia tried to distract Gura by tickling her, which earned her a small kick in the stomach. Groaning, she reached for the fork again, ignoring Gura’s protests.

“No way, it’s the last piece, and I want to savour it. Y’a should have spoken earlier, bozo!”

“You already had some, don’t be so greedy!”. 

Changing strategy, she grabbed Gura’s ankle and dragged her forward as the shark squealed in panic. With a tired sigh, Calli nudged Ina. “Can’t you keep them on a leash or something?”. Without answering, Ina rested her head on her chin, laughing lightly. 

“Gimme a bite!”. Amelia succeeded in grabbing Gura’s wrist, fighting to bring the fork closer to her mouth as Gura whined in frustration. 

“Yeah Gura, you know how Ame likes to have her bite on.”, Kiara coaxed teasingly. 

A beat passed, before everyone’s reaction exploded at once. 

Calli groaned, exasperated as she sank her head in her hands. 

Ina’s eyes lit up with a pleased gleam as she giggled, amused. 

Gura’s cheek flushed and she looked at the detective with a hungry look, blue eyes darting rapidly to the fading red marks on the detective’s neck and shoulders. 

Amelia froze in place, mortified and rolled her eyes to the ceiling, cursing her friend and the entire world. 

As the conversation shifted, among laughs and scoldings, jokes, banter and animated debates, Amelia pulled back slightly, letting her gaze drape over this group she had found for herself, this family. A slow, steady realization came upon, an understanding that had eluded her for most of her life. A wild concept, once so hard to grasp, so simple and yet containing immensity, dreadful and magnficient, whose meaning had unlocked, not in her brain, but in her heart. It was not rushed, not like a flash of inspiration as a puzzled solved itself in front of her eyes. It was a truth, universal, that was always here but she couldn’t see yet, that settled inside her without her noticing. An obvious, unwavering universal truth, as natural as breathing.

She was home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there we have it, the final installment of a series that was never meant to be one lmao
> 
> thank you for everyone who has read it, appreciated my little niche headcanons for ametori and followed joined my circus. 
> 
> if you wanna talk, i'm @zephyroh on the cursed bird app :)


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